Cerita Humor Lucu Jadul Yang NgeTrend di Era 90-an

CFD trading offers a sensible method to manage your hard earned money. This benefits you in leveraging your bets and with them within your fullest potential. A relatively small market movement can produce major changes with your portfolio. But usually there are some things you‘ll want to understand so as in order to manage your account correctly. Minimum Deposit : Money lying within the account doesn‘t bear interest. The simplest way to use you money during this case is to stay as less money with your CFD trading account as you can. The very best way usually is to move funds electronically When you‘re trading within your account. This manner you will get the very best of both worlds, the interest from the checking account along with the leverage from CFDs. To do that, you should have a CFD account provider that permits zero balance inside the account. Understand Withdrawal Procedures : Similarly capital gains should be moved towards the account where they bear interest. Please ensure that there aren‘t any charges for creating withdrawals as you‘ll lose valuable interest if you‘re stuck using the money with your CFD account. Understand Your Risk Appetite : CFD accounts are highly leveraged and therefore provide facilities based on the customers risk appetite. There‘s a feature which provides guaranteed execution from the order at the marketplace price which were entered straight into the computer. This service is with a premium because it risked your downside. However there‘s a standard service where transaction costs are much lower. It‘s inside an investor's best interest to comprehend these options and also to pick what he / she wants. Many investors have lost lots of hard-earned money towards the simple ignorance of those facilities. Understand the Bid Offer spread : CFD trading is really a type of derivatives contract. Such trading generally happens from the market and requires the investor to part having a bid-offer spread. Alternatively some big market makers permit the customers to position their order at the marketplace price with no spread. This causes it to be identical to trading upon the exchange albeit having a leverage. Features : A lot of these trading platforms allow advanced features for research, which Isn‘t open to the retail buyer. The buyer can understand the liquidity on each side of the positioning prior to making a little. This is usually a very good indicator from the loss valueable that could happen just in case of a fast sale. The higher the liquidity, the lower the risk. Security : Although it isn‘t advisable to keep your funds inside the trading account, though it‘s nonetheless safe. Most of those accounts are held in possession of the trust, which makes sure the money is safe and provides risk mitigating mechanisms equivalent to, otherwise better than the marketplace itself. CFD trading benefits you leverage your positions at rock-bottom transaction costs. The well-known investor Warren Buffet is likewise famous for their apprehension of transaction costs. CFDs help solve a little bit of the matter, by lowering them otherwise eliminating them completely. CFD Trading is a different way of trading that offers investors a good deal of leverage and flexibility. It provides you a chance to make huge profits a lot sooner. Dealing in CFD is taken into account safer than normal share dealing because it provides you the liberty to position your trades anytime and close your position when you would like. Even after such a lot of flexibility and leverage, the majority of folks see it too risky to put money into CFDs. CFDs are a good source in order to make quick money by putting extremely less efforts. Still, most novice players suffer from losses when trading in CFDs because of the insufficient proper knowledge and patience. Even the knowledgeable players sometimes bear huge losses as they simply fail to create a right decision. This really is where CFD trading strategy comes into play. In an effort to maximize your profits and minimize your losses, you desire to make effective strategies. Here are a few points that ought to be kept on your mind while dealing in CFDs : Lack of information and proper understanding is that the biggest obstacle. Investors got to attain a good knowledge of the topic before actually jumping in it. The marketplace is extremely volatile ; and also to succeed, it requires thorough basic understanding of the topic along with current market trends. It‘s recommended to take a position a small amount if you‘re a beginner. Before investing an enormous sum, you ought to convey more practical knowledge. Tracking your performance and profit-loss ratio from time for them to time is a great idea. It benefits you know if you are able to invest an enormous amount or otherwise. Along with it, it benefits you analyze your trading style, mindset, and capcapacity to take risk. Understand the tricks from the trade and research the marketplace thoroughly to play till long. Pairs trading is said to become a tried and trusted approach to CFD trading because it involves low risk and high-probability gains. You are able to sell the older stock and purchase a brand new one for future, simultaneously. This provides you an opportunity to adjust your risk. It‘s far better to trade more that certain financial instrument. Different financial instruments assist you adjust your risk of meeting losses. Deal in CFDs only if you re able to spend a good deal of time as these are generally not ideal for buy and forget situations. You need to deal in them everyday. Keep an eye upon the current market trends. It isn‘t advisable to purchase a financial instrument at sky-high prices. It might result into huge losses when market crashes down. if you are a risk-averter, you are able to choose CFD day trading to guard yourself from overnight risk of stocks. Making decisions could be very critical at each stage. Do not make hasty decisions because it may land you inside a bigger trouble. You‘ll lose all of your money. Think, research, and analyze, after which have a move. Buying and selling CFD could seem very simple and straightforward. It‘s recommended to not jump in it immediately. Review your finances and analyze if you can bear the loss in case you face any. As said earlier, one needs to attain a strong basic knowledge of the topic and become very cautious simultaneously.
Cerita Humor Lucu Lama Jadul – Halo para generasi tempo doeloe yang kini telah jadi tua-tua keladi. Yuk, bernostalgia dengan cerita cerita lucu lama yang pernah populer / ngetrend di era tahun 80-90an, waktu kita masih kecil/muda. Jaman dulu, kita sering mendengar cerita anekdot lucu kocak konyol dari teman saat bercanda. Karena diceritakan dari mulut ke mulut, sangat sulit menemukan siapa pengarang asli dari anekdot tersebut. Diperbarui pada januari 2018

cerita lucu buat si tua tua keladi

Masa itu, media yang memuat kisah banyolan singkat hanyalah majalah atau buku kumpulan humor yang harganya lumayan mahal sehingga tak semua orang mampu membelinya. Tak seperti sekarang, cerita-cerita lawakan bertebaran di grup fb, whatsapp, line, bbm dll
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Contohnya adalah beberapa cerita lucu jadul berikut ini. Saya lupa mendengar atau membacanya dari mana, soalnya sudah lama sekali, puluhan tahun silam. Yang jelas bukan karangan saya sendiri. Satu-satunya guyonan yang saya ingat siapa pengarangnya adalah tebak-tebakan lucu ala Lupus dengan perbahasa plesetan legendarisnya ini: “Fitnah itu lebih kejam daripada tidak menfitnah”
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Mungkin kamu juga sudah pernah dengar sebelumnya dan ingin mengingatnya kembali? Siapa tahu dengan baca joke-joke kocak ini membuka memory indah saat ngumpul bercanda bareng teman-teman lama. Bikin reuni yuk... hehehe

Sebenarnya format anekdot lama sama yang sekarang itu tak jauh berbeda kok. Dari segi tema aja mungkin cerita lucu masa kekinian lebih luas dibanding masa jadul. Maklumlah, dulu teknologi tak secanggih saat ini. Hanya satu yang tak berubah, banyolan model gituan  (tau sendirilah) selalu mendominasi. Nggak tahu kenapa. Padahal si Paino sendiri sekarang udah tua dan jarang mandi loh... Kok masih banyak yang suka ya? Heran...

Contoh cerita humor jadul tempo doeloe dalam kategori berbau piano yang masih tetap diingat sampai sekarang berikut ini. Namun maaf sebelumnya, ini murni buat candaan aja tanpa maksud melecehkan siapapun. ya sekedar untuk melepas rasa stress saja:
 
Cendera Mata

Presiden dan ibu presiden dari negara republik Gondes menghadiri KTT di Paris, Perancis. Di sana mereka dijamu oleh presiden Perancis bersama pemimpin dari negara Italia, Jepang dan Malaysia. Sudah menjadi tradisi, sebelum berpisah biasanya mereka saling memberi cendera mata.
Istri Presiden Perancis memberikan miniatur menara Eiffel sebagai cendera mata. Istri Perdana menteri Jepang memberikan miniatur gunung fuji. Istri PM Italia memberikan miniatur menara Pisa. Sedang istri PM Malaysia memberikan miniatur menara petronas

Istri presiden republik Gondes bingung saat giliran memberi cendera mata karena lupa tidak menyiapkan sebelumnya. Tiba-tiba muncul ide yang membuat semua orang tecengang. Beliau menyingkap roknya sambil nungging dan berkata: “Inilah miniatur keong mas....”

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Kisah Lelucon Anjing Pintar

Gondes bertamu ke rumah temannya buat nagih utang. Berkali-kali dia memencet bel namun tak ada seorangpun yang membukakan pintu. Padahal dia yakin sang kawan di rumah karena kendaraannya masih terparkir serta jendela rumahnya juga terbuka.

Gondes lalu mendekati seekor anjing lucu yang terikat di ujung pagar dan bertanya dengan kesal: “Tuanmu ada di dalam?”

“Guk... guk!” si anjing menjawab dengan gonggongan dan anggukan kepala

“Nyonya kamu ada juga?”

“Guk... guk!” lagi lagi si anjing menggonggong sambil mengangguk

“Mereka lagi ngapain?”

“Hah... hah... hah...” jawab si anjing sambil menjulur julurkan lidah dan menggoyangkan ekornya maju mundur

Humor yang mirip dengan ini: Cerita Kocak Malam Pertama 

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Itu tadi contoh cerita humor lama yang pernah saya dengar saat masih sekolah di SMA. Kalau tak salah diceritakan oleh teman, namanya Gustomo yang terkenal ngocol abis. Tak jelas, dia dapat anekdot koplak itu hasil ngarang sendiri atau dari sumber lain. Tapi sumpah! Waktu itu kami tertawa ngakak mendengarnya

Kalau yang berikut ini saya benar-benar lupa dimana dengar atau bacanya. Saya mengingatnya kembali saat dengar lagu “Tejo Surti” dari grup band Zamrud. Coba kita baca bareng aja yuk...

Cinta Tejo Surti

Setelah sekian tahun merantau ke Jakarta, Tejo mudik kembali ke desa. Tapi Tejo yang dulu beda ama sekarang. Kalau dulu penampilannya lugu alias culun, kini Tejo gayanya funky sok gaul. Hanya satu yang tak berubah, Tejo tetap cinta sama Surti, kekasihnya

Dalam rangka melepas kangen, Tejo mengajak Surti ke sawah. Mereka tampak mesra, duduk berdua di atas dangau sambil memandang hijaunya hamparan padi dan sekelompok sapi yang sedang merumput.

Saat melihat sapi jantan mengendus-endus wajah sapi betina layaknya sedang ciuman, timbul hasrat dalam diri Tejo. Diapun mulai memancing-mancing dengan berkata: “Enak ya sapi sapi itu. Bolehkah aku melakukannya juga?”

Sambil tersenyum, Surtipun menjawab, “silahkan saja mas... Toh itu sapi sapi kamu sendiri...”

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Tanya Jawab Murid dan Guru Soal Peribahasa

anekdot peribahasa lucu
 

Guru: Habis manis sepah dibuang. Apa arti peribahasa tersebut?
Murid: Kalau di telan takut keseleg, bu...
= = = = =
Guru: Karena nila setitik, rusak susu sebelanga. Apa artinya peribahasa itu?
Murid: Artinya gak boleh bikin tatto di situ, bu guru....
= = = = =
Guru: Gajah mati meninggalkan gading. Manusia mati meninggalkan apa anak-anak?
Murid: Meninggalkan dunia...
Guru: Aduh..., bukan itu. Yang benar meninggalkan utang. Eh, maksud ibu meninggalkan nama
== == ==
Guru: Apa artinya: Dalamnya laut bisa diduga. Dalamnya hati siapa yang tahu?
Murid: Yang tahu boleh pulang duluan ya, Bu?
= = = = =
Guru: Tong kosong nyaring bunyinya. Apa maksudnya itu?
Murid: Maksudnya buat ngamen bu...
= = = = =
Guru: Berdiri sama tinggi. Duduk sama....?
Murid: ngopi....!!
= = = = =
Guru: Bersatu kita teguh. Bercerai kita....?
Murid: Move on...!!

Humor terkait guru dan murid: Cerita Lucu Anekdot Anak Sekolah
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Cerita kocak jadul selanjutnya saya dengar dari Mas Pri. Kenalan waktu jadi TKI di Malaysia pada tahun 1999. Cerita ini konyol tapi mengandung nilai falsafah yang bagus. Agak menyimpang dari cerita orisinilnya memang karena ada sedikit tambahan modifikasi dari saya sendiri. Begini kisahnya:

Hati-Hati Dengan Permintaan

Ada 5 orang sahabat namanya Paijo, Paimin, Paiman, Paidi dan Gondes. Karena himpitan ekonomi, mereka pergi ke tempat angker untuk mencari pesugihan biar kaya. Setelah semalaman semedi, muncullah makluk seram sejenis genderuwo di hadapan mereka.

“Apa yang kalian minta?” tanya sosok hitam bertubuh tinggi besar dan berbulu lebat mirip kingkong tersebut

“Pingin kaya!” jawab kelimanya serempak

“Hei...!! Kalau minta itu satu persatu, jangan berebut!” hardik si genderuwo gusar. “Kamu maju sini!” lanjutnya menunjuk Paidi. “Kamu minta kaya apa?”

Paidipun maju mendekat, “minta kaya uanglah, mbah...” jawab Paidi. Dan... jreng jreng...!! Paidipun berupah jadi uang kertas lima ratusan rupiah (waktu itu gambarnya orang utan)

Keempat sahabatnya terkejut, tak menduga akan begini jadinya

“Hey, kamu! Kamu minta apa?” si genderuwo menunjuk ke arah Paimin

Paimin yang ketakutan segera lari. Tapi sial, baru beberapa langkah dia tersandung akar pohon dan jatuh. Karena terbiasa berbicara kotor, diapun spontan berteriak memaki: “Anjing....!!” Dan jreng jreng....!! Paimin berubah jadi anjing!

“Kamu minta apa?” giliran genderuwo menunjuk Paiman

Paiman ini termasuk tipe orang peragu. Mendapat pertanyaan seperti itu dia jadi bingung. “Ehm... anu mbah... aku mau jadi kaya anu...” Dan sebelum Paiman sempat meneruskan permintaannya, tiba-tiba jreng jreng.... berubah jadi alat vital pria!!

Tinggal Paijo dan Gondes tertunduk lesu melihat nasib ketiga temannya itu. Sebelum genderuwo bertanya, Paijo berkata lirih, “Maaf mbah, kayanya saya pingin ketiga teman saya kembali seperti semula deh.”

Si genderuwo terdiam sejenak sebelum berkata, “Sepertinya di antara kalian, kamu yang otaknya masih waras. Baiklah, aku kabulkan permintaanmu”

Jreng jreng...! Paimin, Paiman dan Paidipun kembali berubah kembali ke wujudnya semula

“Terima kasih mbah, kami sekarang sadar bahwa untuk mencapai keinginan itu harus kerja keras, tidak bisa dengan cara instant yang tidak masuk akal,” kata Paijo sok bijak. “Kalau begitu kami pamit ya, mbah...”

“Tunggu dulu,” cegah mbah genderuwo dengan telunjuk mengarah pada Gondes, “yang satu belum mengajukan permintaan.”

Sambil tersenyum Gondespun menjawab, “kayanya saya pingin yang baca cerita humor ini pada ketawa ngakak deh, mbah...”

Dan, jreng jreng....!!  Pembacapun wajib ketawa ngakak. 

Hahaha... jangan terlalu serius woy...!! (Humor terkait: Cerita Lucu Masa Kecil
😆
Terima kasih banyak pada para boss yang 20 -30 tahun lalu masih jadi anak culun. Tidak disangka ya sekarang jadi orang sukses semua. Tapi hobi dan gaya bercanda masih tidak kalah kan dengan kids jaman now? Ya, usia boleh bertambah. Tapi tertawa juga penting biar awet muda.

Punya cerita lelucon atau pengalaman gokil jaman doeloe yang masih diingat? Tentang orang pacaran, orang jualan, dikira orang gila, lagi dikejar-kejar bebek pas nyolong mangga pak haji atau apa sajalah. Boleh dong bagi-bagi kisah kocaknya pada kita biar bisa tersenyum bersama.... 
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