Tamu Gokil vs Tuan Rumah Koplak

CFD trading offers a sensible method to manage your hard earned money. This benefits you in leveraging your bets and with them within your fullest potential. A relatively small market movement can produce major changes with your portfolio. But usually there are some things you‘ll want to understand so as in order to manage your account correctly. Minimum Deposit : Money lying within the account doesn‘t bear interest. The simplest way to use you money during this case is to stay as less money with your CFD trading account as you can. The very best way usually is to move funds electronically When you‘re trading within your account. This manner you will get the very best of both worlds, the interest from the checking account along with the leverage from CFDs. To do that, you should have a CFD account provider that permits zero balance inside the account. Understand Withdrawal Procedures : Similarly capital gains should be moved towards the account where they bear interest. Please ensure that there aren‘t any charges for creating withdrawals as you‘ll lose valuable interest if you‘re stuck using the money with your CFD account. Understand Your Risk Appetite : CFD accounts are highly leveraged and therefore provide facilities based on the customers risk appetite. There‘s a feature which provides guaranteed execution from the order at the marketplace price which were entered straight into the computer. This service is with a premium because it risked your downside. However there‘s a standard service where transaction costs are much lower. It‘s inside an investor's best interest to comprehend these options and also to pick what he / she wants. Many investors have lost lots of hard-earned money towards the simple ignorance of those facilities. Understand the Bid Offer spread : CFD trading is really a type of derivatives contract. Such trading generally happens from the market and requires the investor to part having a bid-offer spread. Alternatively some big market makers permit the customers to position their order at the marketplace price with no spread. This causes it to be identical to trading upon the exchange albeit having a leverage. Features : A lot of these trading platforms allow advanced features for research, which Isn‘t open to the retail buyer. The buyer can understand the liquidity on each side of the positioning prior to making a little. This is usually a very good indicator from the loss valueable that could happen just in case of a fast sale. The higher the liquidity, the lower the risk. Security : Although it isn‘t advisable to keep your funds inside the trading account, though it‘s nonetheless safe. Most of those accounts are held in possession of the trust, which makes sure the money is safe and provides risk mitigating mechanisms equivalent to, otherwise better than the marketplace itself. CFD trading benefits you leverage your positions at rock-bottom transaction costs. The well-known investor Warren Buffet is likewise famous for their apprehension of transaction costs. CFDs help solve a little bit of the matter, by lowering them otherwise eliminating them completely. CFD Trading is a different way of trading that offers investors a good deal of leverage and flexibility. It provides you a chance to make huge profits a lot sooner. Dealing in CFD is taken into account safer than normal share dealing because it provides you the liberty to position your trades anytime and close your position when you would like. Even after such a lot of flexibility and leverage, the majority of folks see it too risky to put money into CFDs. CFDs are a good source in order to make quick money by putting extremely less efforts. Still, most novice players suffer from losses when trading in CFDs because of the insufficient proper knowledge and patience. Even the knowledgeable players sometimes bear huge losses as they simply fail to create a right decision. This really is where CFD trading strategy comes into play. In an effort to maximize your profits and minimize your losses, you desire to make effective strategies. Here are a few points that ought to be kept on your mind while dealing in CFDs : Lack of information and proper understanding is that the biggest obstacle. Investors got to attain a good knowledge of the topic before actually jumping in it. The marketplace is extremely volatile ; and also to succeed, it requires thorough basic understanding of the topic along with current market trends. It‘s recommended to take a position a small amount if you‘re a beginner. Before investing an enormous sum, you ought to convey more practical knowledge. Tracking your performance and profit-loss ratio from time for them to time is a great idea. It benefits you know if you are able to invest an enormous amount or otherwise. Along with it, it benefits you analyze your trading style, mindset, and capcapacity to take risk. Understand the tricks from the trade and research the marketplace thoroughly to play till long. Pairs trading is said to become a tried and trusted approach to CFD trading because it involves low risk and high-probability gains. You are able to sell the older stock and purchase a brand new one for future, simultaneously. This provides you an opportunity to adjust your risk. It‘s far better to trade more that certain financial instrument. Different financial instruments assist you adjust your risk of meeting losses. Deal in CFDs only if you re able to spend a good deal of time as these are generally not ideal for buy and forget situations. You need to deal in them everyday. Keep an eye upon the current market trends. It isn‘t advisable to purchase a financial instrument at sky-high prices. It might result into huge losses when market crashes down. if you are a risk-averter, you are able to choose CFD day trading to guard yourself from overnight risk of stocks. Making decisions could be very critical at each stage. Do not make hasty decisions because it may land you inside a bigger trouble. You‘ll lose all of your money. Think, research, and analyze, after which have a move. Buying and selling CFD could seem very simple and straightforward. It‘s recommended to not jump in it immediately. Review your finances and analyze if you can bear the loss in case you face any. As said earlier, one needs to attain a strong basic knowledge of the topic and become very cautious simultaneously.
Terinspirasi dari acara TV Ada Tamu Gokil - Adat orang bertamu itu harus sopan biar tuan rumah segan. Tapi kalau tamu gokil yang datang terus si tuan rumahnya juga koplak, bagaimana jadinya? Pasti full ngakak. Contohnya ada dalam cerita percakapan humor kocak berikut ini. Tapi jangan protes ya kalau dialog obrolannya di luar dugaan. Tau sendiri kan republikgondes itu kayak apa kalau bikin cerita konyol?


Kelucuan bermula ketika seorang tamu mengetok pintu sebuah rumah mewah (mepet sawah). Kira-kira ada perlu apa ya si tamu gokil? Ngobrol soal apa saja sih? Ah, paling mau nantang si tuan rumah koplak perang gambar atau nawarin bisnis MLM
 
Tamu: (tok tok tok) Permisi... Ada orang di rumah?

Tuan: Nggak ada!!

Tamu: Oh, ya udah. Kalo gitu saya bertandang ke rumah sebelah aja.

Tuan: (bukain pintu) sebelah itu kandang sapi, oot...

Tamu: (ketawa nyengir) Kirain ini kandang sapinya

Tuan: Enak aja, tempat kayak gini dibilang kandang sapi. Kandang kebo tauk?

Tamu: Bisa aja akang ni mah kalo becanda. Ayo silahkan masuk...

Tuan: Eit... kebalik! Kan saya tuan rumahnya. Masa situ yang mempersilahkan masuk?

Tamu: Habis situ ngajak ngelawak melulu (duduk di kursi). Eh, kok tumben ane kemari. Ada perlu apa ya?

Tuan: Ya ampun... ini tamu kok koplak banget sih? Harusnya saya yang nanya gitu

Tamu: Iya tahu. Tuan rumah satu ini selera humornya kok parah banget sih. Diajak main gokil-gokilan dikit aja langsung naik pelaminan

Tuan: Naik darah keles...

Tamu: Sama ajalah, sama naiknya ini hahaha...

Tuan: suka-suka kaulah (dengan bibir manyun). Mau minum?

Tamu: Nggak

Tuan: Serius nggak pingin ngopi atau teh?

Tamu: Nggak... Nggak usah ditawarin. Langsung bikinin aja

Tuan: Siapa yang mau bikinin? Saya cuma nanya mau minum apa tidak?

Tamu: Yang kayak gini nih ane demen (senyum-senyum rada tengsin). Udah mulai kumat nih gokilnya.

Tuan: Emang enak dikerjain? (balas tertawa sambil berlalu ke belakang).

Tamu: (Diam... Duduk nungguin selama satu jam. 3 jam kemudian mulai menggerutu sendiri) Asem nih orang. Gaya becandanya jelek. Nyeduh kopi aja lama banget sih? (lalu berteriak kesel) Woi...!! Ente bikin minuman apa antri ngurus BPJS?

Tuan: (menyahut dari belakang) Sabar sebentar...!! Ini kopinya lagi dipanen....!!

Tamu: Yaelah... (terduduk lemas) Semoga lokasi kebunnya nggak di Meksiko

Tuan: (Akhirnya muncul juga dengan dua gelas kopi) maaf bro, telat dikit.

Tamu: Minta maafnya yang telat!

Tuan: (Tersenyum puas) Oya, ada perlu apa nih kemari?

Tamu: Nantang perang gambar!!

Tuan: (memegang janggut sambil melirik sok cool menirukan gambar meme di pesbuk lalu bergumam) Hmm... sudah kuduga

Tamu: Emang ente berani?

Tuan: Oke, siapa takut? (sambil mengeluarkan segepok sticker gambar si Juki)

Tamu: (Terbahak-bahak) Sticker dibanggain. Udah gak jaman. Ini yang lagi ngetrend sekarang, perang gambar ginian (melempar segepok duit seratusan ribu ke atas meja)

Tuan: (matanya langsung ijo) Wow... banyak banget duit lo

Tamu: Ane gitu loh (tersenyum menepuk dada) Gimana? Berani?

Tuan: (Menghela napas, ekspresinya mendadak serius) Nggak bro... Aku sudah tobat sekarang.

Tamu: Maksudnya?

Tuan: Daku sudah insyaf tak mau main judi lagi

Tamu: Lah, siapa yang ngajak Judi?

Tuan: Terus main apaan pake duit segitu banyak?

Tamu: Bisnis coy, business....

Tuan: Bisnis penggandaan uang?

Tamu: Tepat sekali! Tumben otak lo cepet koneknya

Tuan: Wah kamu tuh yang kudet! Eh, dengar ya... Penggandaan uang itu modus penipuan. Logikanya ya, kalau ada orang yang bisa gandain duit, Indonesia tak perlu utang ke luar negeri. Semua rakyat akan hidup makmur sejahtera tanpa harus repot kerja berusaha sekuat tenaga.

Tamu: Tenang... (seraya menuang isi gelas ke tatakan) ayo silahkan dicicipi dulu kopinya biar tak gagal paham

Tuan: Oh ya, terima ka.... eh, Kebalik!! Kan situ yang jadi tamu

Tamu: Tak apa. Kan ane type tamu yang sopan

Tuan: Sopan tapi niatnya menjerumuskan

Tamu: Tuh kan? Masih saja salah paham. Dibilangin ngopi dulu biar tak gagal paham masih aja bandel. Ayo silahkan minum!!

Tuan: Oh ya, terima ka... Jiah!! Gua tuan rumahnyaaaa......!!!

Tamu: Gua nungguin lo mempersilahkan minummmm....!!!

Tuan: O iya ya ya maaf lupa. Mari diminum jangan malu. Anggap saja rumah sendiri

Tamu: Thank you... (sambil minum) Oh ya, kalau dijual ini rumah laku berapa?

Tuan: 1 milyar

Tamu: Kalo gitu ane jual ke elo 500 juta aja deh

Tuan: Beneran nih? Murah banget

Tamu: No problem... Ane kalau sama sobat sendiri mah rugi dikit tak masalah

Tuan: Oke, 500 juta, deal....!!

Tamu: Deal!!

Tuan: Bentar... bentar... (seperti mikir). Ini kan rumahku sendiri... Kenapa harus kubeli?

Tamu: Kan elo yang nyuruh gua nganggap rumah sendiri. Ya terserah gua dong kalo mau gua jual atau kagak?

Tuan: (Ngakak) Ini banyolan lama ala Srimulat. Kok aku bisa kejebak lelucon jadul kuno gini ya... hahaha!!

Tamu: (serius) Kembali ke bisnis. Gimana? Mau ikut bisnis nggak?

Tuan: Kan sudah kubilang, aku tak mau ikut bisnis atau usaha yang tak masuk akal seperti itu. Ogah jadi korban berikutnya.

Tamu: Pemikiran seperti ini yang bikin Indonesia tak bisa maju. Orang belum menjelaskan sistem kerjanya seperti apa... analisa bisnisnya bagaimana... Prospek ke depannya bijimana... Eh, sudah menjudge yang bukan-bukan. Mindset negatif itu namanya.

Tuan: Sudah tau. Kita ngasih sejumlah uang sebagai mahar sama koordinator orang pintar trus dijanjikan pengembalian sekian kali lipat gitu kan? Itu sih setali tiga uang dengan kasus penggandaan uang ala Dimas Kanjeng

Tamu: Sok tau lo!!

Tuan: Loh, bukan bisnis begituan toh?

Tamu: Bukanlah... Asal tau saja ya. Biar ane gondrong, jelek, jarang mandi, penampilan kayak preman gini tapi ane juga ngerti mana usaha riil mana yang modus abal-abal bro...

Tuan: Oh... jadi kau sadar juga akhirnya?

Tamu: Ya sadarlah. Emang terlihat lagi mabuk gitu?

Tuan: Maksudku sadar kalau kau tuh gondrong, jelek, jarang mandi...

Tamu: Hua ha ha huaaaaaaasemmm.......!!! Kali ini ane kejebak juga ama kekoplakan ente hahaha...

Tuan: Satu sama... wkwkwk!!

Tamu: (setelah tawa keduanya ini reda) Maksud kedatanganku kemari itu mau nawarin kerja sama. Begini... Ane lihat ente punya tanah rawa-rawa luas yang nganggur gitu aja. Kenapa tak dimanfaatkan untuk lahan usaha?

Tuan: Rawa-rawa di tepi sungai gitu buat lahan apa? Ditanami juga tak bisa. Dibuka real estate juga rugi sama ongkos ngurugnya. Lagipula untuk buka usaha tak punya modal.

Tamu: Itu makanya ane nawarin kerja sama saling menguntungkan. Ane punya duit. Ente punya lahan. Pas kan?

Tuan: Usaha apa?

Tamu: Ternak duit

Tuan: Mulai lagi kan? Aku sudah serius tapi kamu mancing-mancing candaan melulu

Tamu: Ane seriouse, bukan Candil. Biar ane jelasin. Ane pingin nanam modal buat bisnis peternakan bebek. Karena rumah ente dekat dan lahan itu milik ente, jadi ente yang mengelola. Nanti keuntungannya kita bagi dua. Adil bukan?

Tuan: Wow...!! (dengan mata berbinar) ide super Bombastis! Very fantastis! Ruar biazah! Amazone...!

Tamu: Amazing keles....

Tuan: Ya begitulah kira-kira. Kenapa selama ini aku tak sadar kalau tanahku itu bisa jadi mesin pengganda uang ya? Bodohnya aku...

Tamu: Gimana? Setuju?

Tuan: 100% deal!!

Tamu: Oke, kalau begitu bisa kita tandatangani surat perjanjian di kantor penghulu?

Tuan: Notaris kaleee....

Tamu: Oke, terserah ente aja. Bisa kan?

Tuan: Why not? Ayo kita come on lets go together forever!!

Tamu: Sip! Oya, pintunya sebelah mana?

Tuan: Sebelah sini. Oya, ngomong-ngomong Anda ini siapa ya kok sedari tadi ngobrolnya sok akrab gitu?

Tamu: Benar juga ya? Kita kan belum kenal? Ngapain ane nawarin duit segitu banyak buat modal usaha ente? Entar kalo ente kabur gimana? Wah, kalo gitu batal deh kagak jadi. Kabuuuur......!!!

Tuan: Woi....!! Tunggu....!! Kau lari ke arah yang salah. Itu jalan menuju su....

Tamu: (BYUUUR.....!!)

Tuan: .... mur


*** Tamat ***  Tamu Gokil vs Tuan Rumah Koplak (original jokes by republik gondes*) at 06/04/2017 - Please share, don’t copas!!! Baca gaya dialog obrolan tak nyambung mirip ini: Percakapan Kocak Ala Bolot 

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